I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
