apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
