Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
