yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
