I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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