i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
