I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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