My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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