I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I will pee on everything he values.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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