I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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