it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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