yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
