1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
