i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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