mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
