the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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