Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
