we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
