this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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