he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
