youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
