I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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