Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
