um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
PANTIES FOUND
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