road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
