that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
