Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
