dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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