Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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