it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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