did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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