let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
