I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Found your dick twin last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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