fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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