i think my mom watched the whole time
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
