he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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