Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
