So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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