The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
