Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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