I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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