Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
