dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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