I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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