areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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