Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we're making bets on your personal life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
