An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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