he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
