My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
