A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
