Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
