I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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