My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
