I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
