I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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