Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
