this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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