i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
