ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
