We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
