Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
