I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
