he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
