So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
