i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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