Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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